Forever February: RRR - Don't be a W.E.N.I.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Fights. Everyone has them. And guess what? (I have a little secret for you.) They can be good for you - if they are done well. Yup, learning to fight well is essential to a strong relationship/marriage. Let me give you a little key as to how you can do this. 

Learn your typical fighting style. I'm not talkin' sucker punches, jabs to the chin or a good strong right hook. I'm talkin' WENI!

Withdrawal - do you get frustrated and leave the room?

Escalate - do you yell or say hurtful things to be heard, thus making the fight more heated?

Negative Interpret - do you misunderstand what your spouse says/does and take it in a negative way?

Invalidate - do you discredit what your spouse says?

I have done one or all of these things at some point in our marriage, but my two faves that I go back to over and over are escalation and negative interpret. 

One time the hubs was mowing the lawn while I was inside taking care of the littles. I became seething mad that he was out there whistling dixie in the cool 100+ degree sun just loving the day, while I was spending my Saturday just like every other day - with the littles. Did you catch that? 100+ was the temp. He was also mowing the lawn (serving our family), not chillin' at the pool. When he came inside, I let him have it. Awesome huh? Poor guy.

In the first year of our marriage we got into a huge fight. I left and went to my parents. Praise God he followed me to their house. Once I calmed down enough to hear him he told me, "It's really hard to love on you when your so prickly." That's me...prickly like a porcupine when I escalate; and all I really wanted was for him to make me feel loved and special. 

Over the years, we have learned to fight well. After much counsel, wisdom and grace... we are able to think the best of one another, hear truth, and practice speaker-listener. More on that later! Don't be a W.E.N.I. xo
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